Punishable by death

I've been slack, not posted anything at all here since the 11th and it's now the 15th that's punishable by death isn't it?
Here on Blogger??? No I can post when I want and if people read it they read it, they can't delete me for not posting because well they can't add me to a friends list if they don't wanna read they just don't read simple
If they want to read my posts they can and if they don't want to read it's not my problem
See here I have this freedom I'm not having to compete with the attention of others just to get my posts seen I don't have to shout "look at me" or post blasts continuously, here this is me if people read they read (and I know they do..you lurkers you)
I'm no attention hoare (did I spell that right? Probably not)
I don't have to think of the next fantastic post or the most "ranty" to vie for peoples attention I don't care if I get 100 comments or zero I don't care any more
Here I can be me, writing for me not blogging for the readership but blogging for me I'm not competing for page views, not having to comment on 360 milllion other blogs before I write anything of my own otherwize no one reads mine, here I don't care.
I'm writing for me
writing or blogging how it should be

Rumours

The art of the rumour
I'm going to post this on 360 but not now, only just posted there.

All I'm going to do is ask a couple of simple questions
Have you heard any rumours about me?
What are they?
Don't have to tell who told it just what the rumour is.

Lets see if I get any good ones, see if I get any that I don't know about, see if people take it serious or think its a fun game

You know it's one thing that I love to know what people really think of me, no sucking up no "oh you are so good" because I know damn well I'm not

I was watching Oprah today, yes occasionally I watch 3 yr old episodes of Oprah thats what we get here anyway the episode was on about self esteem and the 'letters to your younger selves'
and she had two mothers of 4 year olds who where obsessed with thier looks and a young teenage girl who thought that she was ugly

No kidding that girl could be me I never smashed a mirror but I used to cover them up I allways thought I was ugly and fat and yet looking at the photos of me when I was 17 ( mum snuck a few in) I wasn't fat at all I wore size 11 jeans what that in US sizes an 8 a 6 ?
I don't know about size differences but thats skinny!

I was too tall, taller than everyone else it's taken me years to walk straight I still walk stooped over sometimes I hated being tall and I'm only 5' 8" problem is I was 5' 6" when I was 12 and everyone else was only 4' 5" I grew they didn't, at our primary school reunion I was expecting all these shorties and they had grown everyone was the same height as me and I still felt like I was allmost a foot higher there I was 20+ years old not 12 and I still felt big fat and ugly , ok so tall skinny and ugly

Its a low self esteem thing my mother allways used to say " the good looking girls sit home on saturday nights because the boys all think they have allready been asked out"
I don't agree the ones who sit home like I did sit home because they are too ugly to go out


At Seventeen by Janis Ian