I type these straight into the compose box you realize I dont Word them up so if there is a spelling mistake or a typo blame my fingers
I come here when it's quiet you know I can't concentrate otherwise by the time I've checked everyone elses pages and my email as much as I get and get logged into here "it" is awake then when he goes back to lie down again I'm too busy commenting to even think of something to write so I end up not doing anything at all
I don't want this page to be "fluff" this really is me
I'm shy, I dont get close to people yeah sure I make them laugh but I don't get close don't trust too many too many let downs in the past I had this really fantastic online friend used to talk to her every night had her on MSN as well when I used it before it went to windows live ** rollings eyes ** and now she is gone had a pile of computer problems and I've not seen her for ages.
I got close didn't I and she went away, all the time that happens to me everytime I get close to someone something happens and I never speak to them again
It was the same with Sharon I was close to her in High School very close if you know what I mean only she liked boys so yeah we didn't go that way I hid "those" kinda feelings from her she never knew, we had this big fight she thought that I was out to steal her boyfriend only wouldn't tell me that or I would have told her it was her I wanted dammit not him
You know I didn't talk to her for years I met her sister, twin sister mind you they are identical but don't look alike never did Joanne was always a little scruffier than Sharon anyway I get this phone call from Joanne between christmas and new year in 1990 telling me that thier older sister had died (in her sleep on christmas day, ashma attack)
I held Sharons hand so tight at Bronwyns funeral that I allmost cut off her circulation I don't know what upset me more the funeral itself or seeing the half dozen people that I hadn't seen since HighSchool or just being able to hold her hand.
I don't want this page to be "fluff" this really is me
I'm shy, I dont get close to people yeah sure I make them laugh but I don't get close don't trust too many too many let downs in the past I had this really fantastic online friend used to talk to her every night had her on MSN as well when I used it before it went to windows live ** rollings eyes ** and now she is gone had a pile of computer problems and I've not seen her for ages.
I got close didn't I and she went away, all the time that happens to me everytime I get close to someone something happens and I never speak to them again
It was the same with Sharon I was close to her in High School very close if you know what I mean only she liked boys so yeah we didn't go that way I hid "those" kinda feelings from her she never knew, we had this big fight she thought that I was out to steal her boyfriend only wouldn't tell me that or I would have told her it was her I wanted dammit not him
You know I didn't talk to her for years I met her sister, twin sister mind you they are identical but don't look alike never did Joanne was always a little scruffier than Sharon anyway I get this phone call from Joanne between christmas and new year in 1990 telling me that thier older sister had died (in her sleep on christmas day, ashma attack)
I held Sharons hand so tight at Bronwyns funeral that I allmost cut off her circulation I don't know what upset me more the funeral itself or seeing the half dozen people that I hadn't seen since HighSchool or just being able to hold her hand.
Spose you want to see Sharon?
She's right in the middle behind the sign, and no I'm not on that pic I was in a different home class, don't have any of mine at all my mother wouldn't buy the class pics when I was in High School for some reason only the single ones of me.
She's right in the middle behind the sign, and no I'm not on that pic I was in a different home class, don't have any of mine at all my mother wouldn't buy the class pics when I was in High School for some reason only the single ones of me.
1 comment:
Hi Missy,
I can sure relate to having the people you love and trust disappear from your life, or turn around and become someone you don't even want to know. Either way you mourn the loss.
I keep to myself pretty much too, but I like the friends I make blogging. It's kind of a no-expectations thing, you realize they may not always be there, but because of the words and secrets that we share, we grow close in a short time.
I know now that people are going to come and go in my life, so I try to make the most of it while they are there.
For me, it's ok to trust, just not to depend. That's when I get let down. It's important to know that I can depend on myself, stand on my own two feet, and anyone else that comes along is frosting on the cake.
I hope you do write more like this, it's nice to see you being introspective... I relate to that.
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