Monday, June 11, 2007

My MIL

Let me tell you about my mother-in-law
My MIL is a tiny white haired woman (turned totally white when she was 32), she's spent a lot of time in mental institutions just totally withdrawn in herself and I know exactly why... her husband!
Really there is nothing wrong with the woman apart from being deaf and not hearing a lot of things which wasn't picked up by the hospital either, don't know why because I worked that out years ago
It's not a mental illness that drove her mad but the FIL alcholic, abusive but only in words
"stupid woman" "gawd you are thick" I heard the words the family didn't
So many times I just wanted to yell THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HER
but you know one of my sisters-in-law wouldn't have her kids around my MIL because she had a mental illness and that upset me so much, depression yes, deafness yes, violent outbreaks after one too many abusive words yes but mental illness no and it angered and saddened me that such a sweet caring woman wasn't allowed to see her own grandkids. Mine she held, mine she changed while I shouted in her ear just so she could hear me.
First time I ever met her was before my X and I where married a thin withdrawn woman standing off to the side of the family gathering staring off into space, one hand on the elbow of the other arm, I went to talk to her but was pulled away "don't talk to her" I was told.
She didn't get to be at our wedding, we visited her in the hospital scary horrible place, strange looking people coming up asking for cigarettes and smoking them down into the butt
She walked with a limp, I asked why, apparently she had jumped from a hospital window and broken her leg it was pinned a 8 inch long plate with 5 screws in her ankle.
That plate stayed in for years more than it should have, thats when I saw it not on an X-Ray but as a souvenier
My MIL did eventually come home, now of course she turns her hearing aid off, she don't hear his words anymore, she still chain smokes and one lot of grandkids call her smoky nana I wouldn't let mine call her that though it only carrys on what FIL does.
No more will it take all 4 boys to restrain her just to take her away back down to the hospital after she had just had enough of his words and went crazy, throwing things and clawing at them all. She just turns off her hearing aid and his mouth just flaps away
Of course I could never say anything except once in a moment of anger at my X when I said to him "you are just like your father" which he was heading towards, the alchol, the words he did in a way stop some of it but even words hurt too much after a while

My MIL's name is Josie she smokes like a steam train, is deaf as a post, walks with a limp and has a weight problem caused by medication that she didn't even need
I left that family when I left my X they never liked me anyway Josie was my favorite person even though her not hearing could be a PITA she was my favorite not the FIL
He of course for birthdays and the like got things like a recliner chair and booze (yeah booze, "he's an alcholic you idiots" where my thoughts too)
She on the other hand got a vaccuum cleaner but with it being upright and her strength not being good hasn't ever used

It allways did make me seethe inside that he was fawned over and she was overlooked, I know the boys where scared of him (all 3 of them) but my X never told me anything about him actually hitting them maybe it was only words that they where scared of but even still words can cut deeper than any knife I know my X was so very much like his father I got out, I left but Josie no she never did well in a way she did get away, trapped away in a hospital, hardly any visitors no love from the family and alone for so many years I am so glad that didn't happen to me I got out before it it did

2 comments:

josie2shoes said...

This was the saddest story, Missy. The amount of suffering this woman has experienced in her lifetime is unfathomable. Verbal abuse that pounds away at you for years does just as much damage as the physical kind, if not more. That her children could also be so unaware and unfeeling is heartbreaking. I'm glad that you obviously cared about her, and I'm also glad for you that you are not stuck in that situation. Someday we all have to answer for the way we treated others.

Alissa said...

I agree with Josie. That's a really sad situation. At least you did what you could to treat her like a human. Her own family dehumanized her, and she didn't deserve it. Her children just followed the example set out for them by their father, in a way, it's not their fault, but at some point in life, you have to start becoming accountable for your own actions, and be your own person. To think that not one of her kids stopped and realized that what they were doing was wrong, is shocking. What a miserable life she's had.

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